It Will Be Alright

“ There is an old saying, The harder you try the luckier you get. I kind of like that definition of luck. ”  —  Gerald Ford

I spend so much time wondering if it would be alright. I remember when I broke up, I went all nervous because I really loved her, and I never wanted to loose her but I guess eventually something, someone made me realize that it wasn't going to work out. Maybe she was right, it is not just the three words but much more than that. So much more that I could ever imagine, still have to learn a lot. Then I wondered how am I gonna do that because I know in my heart that I would never love someone else like I loved her. I know that I would never connect with someone like her again. I have this gnawing pain in my chest. It was scary, it was painful and yeah, it was killing. 

I know now that all she ever wanted was for me to see her, truly see her and tell her that I could never live this life without her. All she ever wanted was for me to tell her that I wanted  to spend the rest of my life with her. It wouldn't have mattered where I went, it wouldn't have mattered what I asked her to do, because all that mattered was that she would finally matter to me. But I guess I couldn't get along and came up short. I lost. She did everything that she could, been everything that she could and even said everything that she could but I didn't do anything, even though I could. 

Now, I've been thinking a lot lately about all the things I worry about, and how things always end up. Things are usually not as bad as I think they will be, or as fantastic as I think they will be. There are good times, and there are bad times, but in the end it always works out alright. This time again it ended up alright, we're still best friends and I still have this hope that I will once again win her love one day because I simply can’t imagine my life without her so every time I talk to her, I’m reminded many of the things that I feared would've happened but they didn't and it is because of her that they will never happen. So, now when I start to worry about my responsibilities, about not screwing things up and just try to move on with her, the way she wants, I just remind myself and again and again and again.

But then again, not everyone is lucky and I guess I'm not either. She went away, didn't even cared once to even look back. It's okay, because after that I sure as hell knew one thing, I've had my pains, my sorrows and my lessons and that I gave my hundred percent.  

Sometimes all we need is an encouraging word, and someone to come along side us and tell us that everything will be okay. On every step we get help, we just need to believe that it is otherwise you know how it is, when heart hurts, it kills! I've done wrong things, a lot more one can imagine but it was past and it is now time to give myself a chance to be loved. I will do everything for Her if she can simply accept me for who I am because then She'll deserve it with no questions and doubts. And I'll make sure that it will be alright. And that too very soon.